How can anyone feel appreciated when their loved one is wishing or hoping for them to change? The greatest roadblock to a great relationship is trying to force a partner to change through bribes or threats. This classic human tendency is humorously portrayed in the long-running off-Broadway musical comedy I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change. It’s funny to watch others go through the cycle of searching for the perfect mate, believing they’ve found that person, and then gradually attempting to remold the supposedly perfect partner. Unfortunately, in real life, this pattern causes immense suffering.
The number one secret of a great relationship is accepting our partner exactly as they are. We cause ourselves unnecessary misery when we believe our loved ones to be imperfect and try to change them. If you want to build a truly great relationship, say and mean: “I love you just the way you are.” No pretense. No hidden hope for change. No thought that things used to be better or might be better someday. Live out that truth every day.
Falling into the trap of thinking, “I wish you were different,” or “Please change,” is no way to express love. Real happiness in relationships begins with this rule: Love and accept your partner exactly the way they are.
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