Every circumstance in our life, good or bad, is affected by our thinking. It looks so much like people and situations cause us to feel sad, mad, scared or happy. Yet in reality, when we realize that our feelings come from our very own thoughts and not situations, it moves us away from being a victim to being empowered.
Thought is something we do and not something that happens to us. What we think determines what we see… not the other way around. Our thinking, not our circumstances, determines how we feel and how we see life, but it’s easier to blame our unhappiness on what happens to us rather than our thinking.
It sure does appear as if words said can cause feelings and reactions in another. We live our lives believing that what others say has the power to upset. And as long as we think that’s true, we’ll blame others every single time we’re upset. Thankfully, there’s no cause and effect between words said and the feelings of another person.
We are tricked because there seems to be a strong correlation between the words said by one person and the upset feelings in another. So when we think we’re upset because of something someone said to us, we’re really upset because some random thoughts flowed into our head and we grabbed onto them and gave them meaning. It’s not the other person’s fault. Nor is it our fault. It simply is what it is. As we see it this way, all upset miraculously vanishes.
Just like our own thoughts are what cause our feelings and emotions, it’s super helpful to know that everyone else works the same way too. In other words, we’re not the cause of other people’s anger, sadness or fear. Their behavior, whether good or bad, is a direct result of whatever is going on in their mind at the moment.
Knowing this can give us a new perspective on the “difficult” people in our life. It’s much easier to be compassionate with others who are caught up in some really bad thoughts. Whether the other person realizes why they’re acting out, just our knowing it has the power to defuse some seemingly sticky situations.
If what other people say can’t cause us to be upset, then what causes it? The one and only thing that can cause us to ever feel upset is… our thought in the moment. It’s the thoughts that happen to be running through our brain that cause us to feel upset (or whatever).
If this sounds like we, ourselves, are then to blame for our being upset, that’s not true either. You see, we have no power over our thoughts. In fact, even calling them “our thoughts” is a misnomer. Things start to look differently when we know our experience is thought-generated, not “other people” generated.
Our mind is like a garden. When we plant and nurture good ideas and pull out the weeds of shame, blame, jealousy, judgment, self-pity, and pride, our thoughts cultivate good fruit that feeds and blesses those around us!
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