Everyone knows what it’s like to be disappointed by someone we love or admire. It can devastate us and damage our relationships, because we place high expectations on those we love. We forget they are broken people just like we are.
Hurt and unforgiveness go hand in hand when we have been hurt. Because of the depth of the hurt, the lie is we could not possibly forgive them for what they did. The problem is our unwillingness to forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened was OK and it doesn’t mean they are welcome in our life. Forgiveness means that we’ve made peace with the pain, and want to let it go.
I easily support the idea of forgiveness till I’m the one who’s in the hot seat and needs to extend grace to someone who has hurt me or hurt someone I care about. Unforgiveness is very much a heart issue. That’s why refusing to extend grace is a dangerous choice. It creates a burden we carry into every nook and cranny of our lives. To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love.
Whenever I’m having difficulty forgiving or I’m stuck in bitterness, anger, or negative emotions toward others, oftentimes it’s because I’ve forgotten that only God can love me perfectly, only He can meet 100 percent of my needs for love, and I’ve been looking to a person other than Him to love me perfectly.
I have every good reason not to forgive. But here’s where that justification bites me in the behind: I cannot live joyously when I’m harboring unforgiveness in my heart. None of us can. Why? We deserve to let it go because it clouds how we see life and how we choose to live each day. It is essential to our lives because it’s a necessary part of lasting friendships and work relationships.
As hard as this is to believe, forgiving others has everything to do with you and very little to do with them. When you extend grace, you’re literally taking the power away from them to continue hurting you.
The offender is not off the hook. It’s normal to think, “They’ve hurt me and now they get off scot-free?” And while it can feel that way, it’s not truth. Choosing to forgive doesn’t mean you’re excusing that person for their offenses. It means you recognize that it’s God who brings justice—not you.
We may struggle to forgive ourselves and God the very most. Just what do we do when the one we need to give grace to is us? Finding a way to forgive ourselves is tricky. Guilt never makes anyone feel better. So remember to forgive yourself. You did your best so move on. Now, this may sound weird, but I’m also giving you permission to be angry with God if that’s how you’re feeling today.
Keep close tabs on your words this week. Whenever you start to complain or grumble about someone or something, remind yourself that you’re forgiven by a gracious God. Ask him to show you how to reflect his grace in that relationship or situation. Follow his leading, and rejoice in a gracious attitude.
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