My word for 2019 is “Connected”, and I’ve been noticing and reflecting on how all of life is connected. One fascinating example comes from nature: the relationship between honey ants and aphids. Ants can’t get enough of the sugary honeydew left behind by aphids—those tiny sap-sucking insects. In return for this sweet treat, ants protect the aphids from predators like wasps, beetles, and spiders. It’s a remarkable relationship. As the aphids keep the ants happy, the ants fight to keep the aphids alive. Everyone wins—except the plants, of course.
The ants do better because of the aphids. The aphids do better because of the ants. This kind of relationship is called mutualism, and we humans could stand to learn from it. People, too, succeed best when they help others out.
James Bender, in his book How to Talk Well, shares the story of a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year, the farmer entered his corn in the state fair and won the blue ribbon. One year, a reporter discovered that the farmer shared his best seed corn with his neighbors. Surprised, the reporter asked, “How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they’re competing against you in the fair each year?”
The farmer replied, “Didn’t you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, the cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I want to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn.”
That farmer understood something important: the connectedness of life. His success depended on the success of those around him. And so it is in every area of life. If I want to succeed, I must help others succeed. If I want to live in peace and harmony, I must help others experience peace. The peace they find will add to my own. If I want to live meaningfully and well, then I should help enrich the lives of others. My own joy and well-being are bound up in the lives I touch.
The lesson is clear: we win not by defeating others, but by helping them succeed. Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours shine any brighter. True success comes not from watching out for “number one,” but from lifting others up alongside us.
In other words, if I want to grow good corn, I need to help my neighbors grow good corn. Call it mutualism. Call it a principle of success. Call it a law of life. But what I’ve come to believe deeply is this: none of us truly wins until we all win. Imagine the kind of world we could live in if we all practiced love, kindness, and compassion—every day.
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