As I continue my Journey, God still won’t fit into my box. At one time, I had Him just about figured out, or so I thought. My old religious God that existed for my benefit and happiness was pretty reliable. If I did good, then I got good… some of the time. If I did bad, I got bad… most all of the time. There were some minor exceptions when He blessed me when I didn’t deserve it. There were times I did some good things, and they turned out bad. That’s just life in a fallen world.
Now I’m finding that God was nothing like I imagined. I’m finding that He loves me all the time whether I do good, or whether I do bad. He just loves me… period. He doesn’t just love me, He IS love. He can’t keep from loving me. I’m finding that if I’m not perfect… I don’t understand it all… I mess up… He is still cool with that. He understands that my life on this mud ball is a JOurneY, not a destination. The JOurneY becomes the destination when I believe that and start living like I’m unconditionally loved. I’m learning that I’m not Home yet, and that things don’t run smoothly here since the fall. God doesn’t get bent out of shape when the world smacks us in the face. As a matter of fact, He warned us that the world would, indeed, treat us that way.
I used to get “analysis paralysis.” I would agonize over which shirt to wear thinking that God’s perfect will was one particular shirt for that day. A bad choice would put me out of His favor until I did something good to restore it, like changing shirts. I’d get so discouraged and depressed trying to please a God whom I deemed “unpleasable.” Now I’m discovering a God Who delights in allowing me to choose whatever I like.
I know a lot less about this new God Who broke out of my box, but He’s growing on me. I’m starting to enjoy life more and spending less time picking out shirts. Maybe you ought to give Him a chance as well.
God teaches us lessons from a plethora of sources, especially the animal kingdom. He even uses insects. Watchman Nee, my spiritual hero, was aware of how hard his congregation was working at living the impossible Christian lifestyle only to find themselves fighting spiritual dryness and discouragement. So he told them the story of the centipede:
THE PARABLE OF THE CENTIPEDE
One day, as the centipede was about to go for a walk, it examined its legs to consider which one should move first. Should the left leg move first, or the right one? How about the eighth leg, or the tenth? The centipede was a victim of self-paralysis, stuck there trying to decide which leg to move. The problem of the mind became a problem of the practice.
As was his custom, Watchman paused and waited for the half-finished truth to sink in. Chang, a member of his congregation, asked: “But if you don’t know which leg to move first, how can you ever begin a journey?”
Watchman responded: “By giving no consideration to the problem in the first place. We all work too hard at being religious. Things become an issue because we make them an issue. God is much easier to live with than we are with ourselves.”
Another question was asked from the congregation: “But what happened to the centipede?”
Watchman responded: “Eventually, the sun came up and without thinking, our little centipede ran out to see the sunrise without considering which leg to move first. It forgot about how to walk and simply walked. When the problem of the mind was gone, the problem of the practice also disappeared.”
The truth is that the more you try to deal with inner dryness, depression, and flatness, the more you cannot overcome them. These things become an issue because we make them as issue. If you forget about them and let them go, they will disappear.
Do like the centipede and step out on faith, Beloved!
Blessings,
Kenny
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