As I count my blessings each day, the love of family and friends is always at the top of my list. Connection is why we’re here! It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. Strip away all the hoopla and everything is about love and relationships. Brennan Manning said, “I am now utterly convinced that on Judgment Day the Lord is going to ask each of us one question and only one question: ‘Did you believe that I loved you?’”
There are many ways to express love to those around us. In relationships, people tend to express love to a partner in the way they’d personally most like to receive it. The trouble is that one person’s primary love language doesn’t always align with that of their partner. So while a back rub after a long day at work might make someone who values physical touch feel like a million bucks, the same gesture may not mean all that much to someone else.
We all express and feel love differently, and understanding those differences can seriously help our relationships. In fact, it’s one of the simplest ways to improve it. In his helpful little book, Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman says that there are basically five emotional love languages—five ways that people give and receive love. Gary argues that we all have an internal priority list that communicates love most effectively.
Look at this list and see if you can identify which communicates love best to you. Then try to pinpoint how those closest to you would feel most loved. Here’s a brief description of what each of them mean:
- Words of Affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise, or appreciation.
- Physical Touch: It can be sex or holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.
- Acts of Service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
- Receiving Gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
- Quality Time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
I’ve found that the concept of love languages helps pretty much any relationship, not just romantic ones. It’s useful to understand what matters to people. Our tendency is to love others the way we want to be loved, and this causes much misunderstanding. The most awesome thing is that God knows our number one way to feel loved—and that’s how He shows His love for us!
Overall, it all comes down to knowing what’s important to people so we can understand, empathize, and relate to them a little better. Everyone is different. We all have different life experiences; we come from different backgrounds. It makes sense that we communicate differently, too.
May God open your heart to His love for you and allow you to love others with your whole heart!
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