We are conditioned to believe that everything must, in some way, be about us. But understanding that every person we meet is always and only acting from their own level of consciousness in the moment—based on whatever thoughts they’re having at the time—is critical. Others not only shouldn’t see things our way, but in fact, they cannot.
This is the Principle of Separate Realities: the way I see things is not how they truly are—it’s just my perspective. If that’s true, there’s no logical reason to take personally what others say and do. That guy didn’t cut me off in traffic because he was out to get me. He can’t make me a victim—I choose to see myself that way. Love is about freedom. But we are also free to protect ourselves and not allow others to take advantage of us. One of our greatest freedoms is freedom from the tyranny of other people’s opinions about us.
As long as our well-being depends on someone else’s actions, we will try to manipulate them. It would set us free to stop taking everything personally, to be who we are, to stop trying to control our lives and the lives of those around us, and to let others be who they are. People are going to do what people are going to do.
We can’t know what others are going through. That’s why we must remind ourselves that when we receive a bad reaction from someone, it’s not about us—it’s about what they’re dealing with. And no matter how much it seems otherwise, it never truly has anything to do with us.
It takes courage to see things differently. It’s safer and easier to believe that other people and situations have special powers to make us feel good or bad, which is why we lash out at them. We tell ourselves, “They made me feel bad, so I will get back at them. This will make me feel better and hurt them too.” But the fear of not being good enough or not being loved often drives us to live in constant pursuit of control over how others see us. And that fear leads us to say and do things that don’t reflect who we really are. When we care too much about what others think of us, it stops us from living an abundant life.
Understanding separate realities not only helps us feel more connected and see others more clearly, but it also deepens our capacity for love and understanding in relationships. It allows our separate realities to melt into one. We begin to see what is more true. Our love expands, our understanding deepens, and we experience more of the oneness of life.
In the end, every feeling, idea, and belief we have is thought-created—and therefore, far more changeable than we tend to believe. No matter how long we’ve been insecure or how unloved we’ve felt, that can all change in an instant. Old thoughts and feelings can disappear like a flash of light.
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